Bill Long

Source: "Bill Long Bibliography." Author Wars, http://localhost:9999/authorwars-go/authorwars-www/authors/bill-long.html".

Overview:

Legal Name: N/A
Place of Birth: N/A
Date of Birth: Unknown

Titles:

Essays

1958. Curses for Sale

Interior Art

1995. Cartoon: "The 500th channel."
1995. Cartoon: "Medical curiosities, pt. IV."
1995. Cartoon: "You are in your power!"
1995. Cartoon: "Bioengineering fails to bring about racial harmony ..."
1995. Cartoon: "Euphemism"
1996. Cartoon: "The Proper Little Parasite."
1996. Cartoon: "Sailors of the early 1700's often mistook the Manatee for a beautiful mermaid ..."
1996. Cartoon: "I'm wet, I'm cold, I've got barnacles on my butt. (shoop, shoop.)."
1996. Cartoon: "The service sector will define hitherto unimagined employment opportunities ..."
1996. Cartoon: no caption
1996. Cartoon: "Disney's acendancy continues unchecked. In 2015 it launches it's most ambitious theme park ever. All employees are expected to follow certain rules."
1996. Cartoon: "Take the guesswork out of your diagnosis!"
1996. Cartoon: "Speculations: certain anatomical changes are inevitable."
1996. Cartoon: "Will we thrive in the new information economy?"
1997. Cartoon: "Startling adaptations will help wildlife overcome habitat loss."
1997. Cartoon: "Soon we will be able to work, shop, and recreate without ever leaving the comfort and security of our own homes ..."
1997. Cartoon: "The population of lawyers will outstrip forage and a short hunting season will be declared ..."
1997. Cartoon: "Doodling, Sturgis, has no place in bioengineering."
1997. Cartoon: no caption
1997. Cartoon: "It will become clear that H. P. Lovecraft was actually a journalist ..."
1997. Cartoon: "Novelty tombstones will become popular."
1997. Cartoon: no caption
1997. Cartoon: "Advanced Origami."
1998. Cartoon: "An shrinking number of increasingly immense corporations will provide all of our employment, goods, and services, radically altering the quality of ... Life."
1998. Cartoon: no caption
1998. Cartoon: "Caller Eradication leads to the extinction of telemarketers, the jerky boys, and old, alcoholic, college friends."
1998. Cartoon: "May I say, sir, what a pleasure it has been sniffing your butt?"
1998. Cartoon: "Will kill for food."
1998. Cartoon: Declining literacy will drive the proliferation of pictographs. Over time pictographs will succumb to the shorthand of abstraction ... reinvigorating literacy."
1998. Cartoon: "A simple solution to racism, sexism, and lookism, will be found ..."
1998. Cartoon: "Penetrating pet disguises ..."
1998. Cartoon: "From our catalog ..."
1998. Cartoon: "MMMM, it tastes just like chicken."
1999. Cartoon: "Look at this teenie-weenie chip, Schmidt! Who would have thought it could replace a great big guy like you!"
1999. Cartoon: "Destined to become the most popular superhero of all time, a new superhero will appear ..."
1999. Cartoon: "Sports will stop being a dreary bore when the balls can defend themselves."
1999. Cartoon: "From Long's Interpretive Guide to Common Workplace Doodles"
1999. Cartoon: "The real information superhighway."
1999. Cartoon: "Though matter transmitters will make travel instantaneous, baggage handling problems will persist ..."
1999. Cartoon: "The princess and the frog (cutaway view)."
1999. Cartoon: "As environmental degradation continues, mutation leave will become a standard employee benefit."
1999. Cartoon: "The most noxious pollutant will finally be treated at its source."
1999. Cartoon: "I heartily concur, Steerbridge. Form does, indeed, follow function."
1999. Cartoon: "Politics will become so degraded that only blatent sociopaths will seek office."
1999. Cartoon: "Starting next year, every baby will come pre-loaded with Microsoft software."
2000. Cartoon: "Where are we dumping the sludge?"
2000. Cartoon: "Get that Skanky thing out of my face, fleshbag!"
2000. Cartoon: "Martha Stewart will become Secretary of the Interior."
2001. Cartoon: "OH, CRAP! I forgot Bob!"
2001. Cartoon: "I've had it up to here with these brats. Let's delete them."
2001. Cartoon: "Our clones will ingest all of the yummy foods and intoxicants we crave. We will download their sensations through neural networks ... leaving everything dangerous or fattening in the clones."
2001. Cartoon: "Rampant innumeracy will force a calculator redesign ..."
2001. Cartoon: "The government will find a viable, non-tax based revenue stream ..."
2002. Cartoon: "E-skin® implants will allow us to make money by displaying ads."
2002. Cartoon: "Animals will no longer be used in psychological testing when it is discovered that ... they cheat!"
2002. Cartoon: no caption
2002. Cartoon: "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I — Mr. go-for-it, rah! rah! adventure boy — I took the one less traveled by ..."
2002. Cartoon: no caption
2002. Cartoon: "Natural Selection: You are there!"
2003. Cartoon: "Thanks Saves-You-From-Yourself man. Thanks a lot."
2003. Cartoon: "Make your own microlife refuge."
2003. Cartoon: "Zen Voodoo."
2004. Cartoon: no caption
2004. Cartoon: "What the hell was THAT!"
2004. Cartoon: "You ought to get out more, according to experts."
2004. Cartoon: no caption
2005. Cartoon: "State of the art euphemisms will help us through the chronic, population driven food shortages of the twenty first century ..."
2006. Cartoon: "Cell phones will have so many functions that it will be legal to marry them."
2006. Cartoon: "Speculations: Monster movies will continue to reflect underlying cultural fears."
2006. Cartoon: "Speculations"
2006. Cartoon: "Pinocchio vs Dracula."
2006. Cartoon: "We will learn that God didn't so much create the universe as find it in her purse when she was looking for something else."
2007. Cartoon: "We'll just let 'nature take its course'."
2007. Cartoon: no caption
2007. Cartoon: "Optimism will be officially declared a mental illness in 2011"
2007. Cartoon: "What an intelligent little species! Yes it is! Wudda-wudda ..."
2008. Cartoon: "Monopedalism never really caught on"
2008. Cartoon: "Speculations: The first truly effective diet book will be written ..."
2008. Cartoon: "It isn't that bad. I feel like I used to after watching TV all day."
2008. Cartoon: "Speculations: Alien cartoonist, Pu' Abtu, will be first guest artist!"
2008. Cartoon: "Speculations: In a world of dimming prospects, children's books will change tack ..."
2008. Cartoon: "Of course it's an anal probe. What else would it be?"
2009. Cartoon: "*Juice boxes!"
2009. Cartoon: "Speculations: Hideous mutant , Chas Chatterly, will lead a miserable lonely existence ..."
2009. Cartoon: "And remember, boys and girls, light sabers aren't toys!"
2009. Cartoon: "Speculations: Invading brainzoids will be stopped by a deadly ray that causes all cognitive functions to cease."
2009. Cartoon: "Speculations: We will become a popular subject for alien nature shows"
2009. Cartoon: "Fairy tales can come true"
2009. Cartoon: "ANSWER: AARGH! OH GOD, STOP! PLEASE?! PLEASE! OH, GOD! NO! GOD, NO!"
2010. Cartoon: "LAND DOLPHIN AND PROUD OF IT!"
2010. Cartoon: "Portal to the Great Unknown"
2010. Cartoon: no caption (snowman Dracula rising from freezer coffin)
2011. Cartoon: "Where to find takers here, the U.S. government will sell treasury debt to SPACE ALIENS!!!"
2011. Cartoon: "Speculations: Millions of Years in the future we will be radiant beings of pure energy!"
2011. Cartoon: "Speculations: There will be evidence that the creator is bored."
2011. Cartoon: "Seek employment in a growth industry."
2011. Cartoon: "When aliens probe you ask them to do a colonoscopy while they're in there."
2011. Cartoon: "Farts will be even funnier."
2012. Cartoon: "Speculations: Financial fraud and underpeforming investments will force baby boomers to move in with their parents.:
2012. Cartoon: "My God, Mizritz, we've discovered a silicon-based lifeform!"
2012. Cartoon: "Speculations: The Pluto Interview!"
2012. Cartoon: "My God, Mizritz, I'm being probed!"
2013. Cartoon: "Speculations: Smart phones will evolve into evil genius phones."
2013. Cartoon: "I get more use out of it than you might think, especially since I burned off my feet."
2013. Cartoon: "Death Ray! Run!"
2013. Cartoon: "Cover your eyes, Mizritz! They have a devolution ray!"
2013. Cartoon: "I'm not sure if this is about zombies or Fox news."
2013. Cartoon: no caption (Frankenstein with Christmas lights)
2014. Cartoon: "Flee, Mizritz, flee! They are cannibals!:
2014. Cartoon: "Drink this, Cinderella, and they'll all be #!?*@%^ princes!"
2015. Cartoon: "What would do if this was your last day on Earth? Quick?"
2015. Cartoon: "Supernova; So-so nova; This-never-happened-to-me-before nova".
2016. Cartoon: no caption
2016. Cartoon: "SPECULATIONS IF YOU WENT BACK IN TIME AND KILLED YOUR GRANDFATHER YOU WOULD BE A DICK."
2016. Cartoon: "SPECULATIONS IN 20_ THE LAST AMERICAN WITH AN APPRECIABLE ATTENTION SPAN WILL DIE..."
2017. Cartoon: "SPECULATIONS GLOBAL WARMING WILL ENCOURAGE MANSCAPING AMONG SASQUATCHES"
2017. Cartoon: "Sexing Aliens"
2017. Cartoon: Falling Rocks
2018. Cartoon: Spaceware Trends
2018. Cartoon: "The Cabbage Pierogi Theory of Creation"
2018. Cartoon: Bob Is Very, Very Sick But in the Future They May Know How to Cure Him!
2018. Cartoon: "Damn It."
2019. After Plexit...
2020. Cartoon: "Human Fails Turing Test"
2020. Cartoon: "Our Giant Future Heads..."
2021. Cartoon (pg 122 - F&SF, March/April 2021)
2022. Cartoon: "I wish, just once, we'd find some signs of life."